Sometimes life sucks.
There I said it.
Recently, I had two people who know me quite well ask me if I ever feel depressed or sad in life. They said my Facebook feed is the most inspiring and positive part of their day and wondered if I ever have a bad moment in life.
And while I’m so grateful that I inspire them, I want you all to know something: my life is a normal every day life. I pay bills and have breakdowns. I wait in line at the RMV while trying not to let anger overwhelm me. And I certainly have those days when I do not want to get out of bed.
But here’s the thing yogis, I CHOOSE to get out of bed. I choose to look at the positive and always look on the bright side and I choose to portray all of that online. I believe in counting my blessings and always looking for gratitude in life, so when I’m at the RMV I bring a book like Eat Pray Love or bring my notebook to write love letters to myself or friends.
I’ve been through it. The moments of depression where getting out of bed is actually impossible. I have been in a darkness so thick that it was more comforting to stay there in the darkness than to travel to the light. I had months of crying and paralyzation. I have had betrayal and loss. And I never, ever want to go there again.
During my senior year of college, I emerged from this state and opened my eyes and my soul. I finally felt whole and cleansed and AWAKE. I felt alive. I realized where I had been for months and decided I wanted zero part of that every again. I told my supervisor Stephanie that I have no time for sadness if I can be happy every day… and then I skipped myself down the street onto the next San Fran attraction.
So much has changed since this photo that hair has gone through some MAJOR transformations, but so has my heart. I have had my ups and downs and only once more did it get to the point where I needed to ask for help. But I try every single day to count my blessings. I try to make my meals count, the flowers I purchase for our home, the lack of traffic, the gift of a flower growing through the crack in the sidewalk or even the very gentle sound of Apollo breathing. I am grateful for it all because I understand what soul crushing sadness feels like and I will never go there again.
The negative in being positive all the time is that no one ever believes you have bad days. No one thinks you take life seriously and some people believe you are fake. These things are entirely untrue. As my friend Susie said: “If anyone in real life knows you, they know your Facebook feed is 100% YOU!” And it is.
I choose to see joy. I choose to see love. Don’t get me wrong yogis I have bad days just like the rest of the world, but I deal with them by holding on to love and recognizing the lessons I am being served. I deal with them by allowing my true feelings to arise (sadness or anger) and allowing them to pass. I deal with bad days in meditation and naps and hugs.
May you have love in your heart.
May you never suffer.
May you always see the lessons.
May you count your blessings.
May you honor your feelings: all of them.
May you give love.
May you receive love.
May you live with a peaceful heart.
May you find joy.
May you find deep belly laughs, sunshine days and good friends.
May you dive into books or music or love.
May you create a life you love.
May you find pure joy.
This is my wish for you today yogis. Hold it to your heart. Say it out loud and remember that there is nothing negative in being positive.
Sending you so much love & light!